


Omnium Gatherum

by NewMoonChild



Series: Star-crossed [3]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Amber's shop, Humor, Magical Items, Potions, Prompt Fic, Tumblr Prompt, annoying talking books, cursed items, they are in so much trouble for this, total dorks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 20:32:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8116516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NewMoonChild/pseuds/NewMoonChild
Summary: Dipper, Bill and Mabel decide to investigate what exactly is in Amber’s shop. For thelazycrab on Tumblr.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is in no way cannon, because Amber would kill them for what they do in this (and they all value their lives far to much to risk her wrath for anything) and Dipper probably won’t ever start a video blog. (Still up for debate) Although…. All the stuff in her shop is really there. If anyone wants us to do a short fic about something we mention, just shoot us a message on Tumblr!

 

Ever since Dipper started video blogging the stuff going on in Gravity Falls he’s wanted to actually go through all the stuff in Amber’s shop. And while Amber had said he was never, ever allowed to use his camera in the shop, Amber was with Hes on “business,” and would be gone for a few days.

After doing his standard introduction, he met up with Bill and Mabel at the cash register.

_ “So, where do we start?” _

_ Mabel shrugged. “How about the books? They’re all in the same general area.” _

_ “I noticed it’s pretty disorganized in here.” _

_ “Ehh, Amber says there’s a method to the madness, but she’s the only one that really knows what that means.” _

Dipper passed by a strange red book that had what looked like the back of someone’s head on the cover. 

_ “Hey, what’s this book?” _

_ Mabel giggled. “Oh, this one’s funny. Open it and show him, Bill.” _

_ Bill picked up the book and opened it so the pages were facing the camera.  At first the pages were blank, but they then formed a face, whose eyes opened. It blinked.  _

_ “What’s going on?” _

_ “Whoa, a talking book!” Dipper exclaimed. _

_ “Yes, of course I can speak. I am just as much alive as you, human.” _

_ “Seriously? So, do you need to eat and sleep and things like that?” _

_ “No, I do not need to ‘eat and sleep and things like that.’ Though eating most certainly is pleasant.” _

_ “Then what about going to the bathroom?” Mabel asked, giggling.  _

_ The book groaned. “Oh dear. YOU TWO are here again. What is it this time? Asking me what a snadger would look like? Or perhaps something equally inane?” _

_ “This is Zach. He prefers to talk about ‘intellecutal’ things,” Mabel explained with air-quotes. “So it’s really funny to ask him silly questions!” Bill closed the book. _

They showed Dipper a few other books, including one that was supposed to curse whatever poor mortal that read it with insanity (although it was apparently a very entertaining book), and a book that could tell your future (but only through rhyme, riddle, and song).

There were also some other things- like a mirror that showed you from an alternate timeline, a pen that would write down the thoughts of whoever touched it without filter, a flower that produced a stronger hallucinogen than anything a human had created, some of cupid’s arrows (that were, in fact, laced with potions- though they’d gone a bit flat over time), and a dress that could change color and style depending on the wearer’s mood. A few of these actually ended up in the final edit.

The next “stop” in their tour was the jewelry counter, which was one of the only semi-organized places in the shop. Semi-organized because while it was in fact all jewelry, the items (once again) seemed to be randomly and haphazardly placed. At this point when Dipper commented on it Mabel just shrugged and said, “I bet it’s feng-shui or some other celestial mumbo-jumbo.”

_ Mabel gestured at a particularly gaudy necklace. “This one is the vessel for Jack the Ripper’s ghost. Or, well, the spirit possessed the person known as Jack the Ripper.”  _

_ “So don’t put it on unless you want to be the next serial killer,” Bill warned. _

_ She picked up a pair of silver bangles. “These ones were supposedly worn by a priestess of one of the moon goddesses, and give you one wish if you wear it during the full moon. But nothing crazy like bringing someone back to life or making someone fall in love with you.” _

_ The next item was a gold headpiece, bits of aquamarine dangling from it. “This one is like the Truth Teeth we used that one time, only prettier. And while the Truth Teeth should be able to be taken out by the person wearing them, the wearer of this will not be able to take it off on their own.” _

Mabel glanced behind her. “Hey, Dipper, did you know Amber has pre-made potions?”

“You mean like my medication?”

She nodded. “Yep, and a few others that don’t lose their potency after a few days. Wanna put it in your video?”

“Totally.”

_ “Okay, so there are like a zillion different kind of love potions, but there’s only one type that actually store well. I call ‘em Allure potions~!” Mabel said cheerfully, holding up a lavender vial.  “They pretty much make you irresistible to whatever gender is specified on the bottle. There's’ one for attracting girls, and one for getting guys, or one for all genders!” _

_ She held up a glowing green bottle. “This one’s an invisibility potion. Super useful in pranking people.” _

_ “So that’s how they pulled off the senior prank,” Dipper commented. _

_ Mabel held up two blue vials, one was light blue and the other navy. “These ones can change your age. The light blue one makes you five years younger, and the dark one makes you five years older! They only work 36 hours, and the navy blue one is super popular, especially on weekends.” _

Dipper posted the finished video a week later and it was an instant hit on YouTube. 

That’s when he realized that Hes subscribed to his YouTube channel and was going to show Amber. 

They were so dead.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Alec: As a reminder, if you guys ever want a fic involving something we mentioned in the story (or any other thing you think might be in the shop) just sent us a request [here](http://starfallaus.tumblr.com/ask)
> 
> Alyssa: Or if you have questions! Anything about any of our fics, and we will answer them! Well, it might not always be use that answers it...  
> Oh! Or art. I'm the only one who does art for anything, so if any of you guys do art for this AU we will love you to death and it will go on the blog!


End file.
